what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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