I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
