Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
