i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
