your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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