he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is my gift to your gina
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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