Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
