i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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