i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
