come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
