Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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