She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
