I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
