i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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