She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
