I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
