We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
