WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
