Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My liver just broke up with me...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
