half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
