both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
