If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
