Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
