Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
