I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
