We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
