I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
