Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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