Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
