hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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