My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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