everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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