ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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