My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
