Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
