You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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