We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
