I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
