Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As shirtless as possible
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
