I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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