I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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