when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
