Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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