it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
