oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
