i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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