Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
