I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
