I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
