Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
