her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
