If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
