just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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