Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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