Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
