mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
