wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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