I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
