I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
