Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
