I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
