Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
